A fairy tale and in reality, it’s different from the glamour that people make about it. Having two people from different background and diverse perspectives coming together to cohabit for the rest of their lives really takes understanding, love, patience, perseverance, loyalty, respect and sacrifice. Almost every Saturdays in Nigeria, we hear of numerous weddings and ‘owambes’ taking place all over in town. However, wedding is for a day but Marriage is for life! The high rate of divorce in Nigeria is so alarming and key factors attributed to this includes; infidelity, third-party interference, impatience, finance issues, intolerance, discontent and so many others. Two important questions couples often ask are ‘How do couples stay married for 50+years?’ and ‘What is the secret to marital success?’ To avoid complications in our marriages and to stay happily married, these are few things you need to give up:
Uncontrollable Anger: If you are temperamental in nature, you have to pray and seek counselling to manage your anger. People usually get angry but if yours is uncontrollable, you need to work on it because anger is destructive.
Ego: There is a popular saying that, “You can either be right, or you can be married. You choose.” Ego can keep you from being contented. Ego is being impatient, unkind, not being compassionate, inability to take responsibility for one’s actions, above all, its deceitful and makes someone to be self-centred and stubborn. You need to let go of ego in order to have a happy and long lasting marriage!
Empathy: In our society that promotes individualism, self-seeking and self-fulfilment. This makes it challenging to put our partners needs before our own. But marriage is a reality built for two. So it’s good to always exhibit loving kindness and care for each other in order to have a happy marriage!
Negativity and criticism: Rome was not built in a day, so is the institution called marriage. If you are always negative in your thoughts, being pessimistic and don’t always see good in your partner but only concentrate on the bad sides or each other’s weaknesses, it can cost you so much. To stay married, shun negativity and habitual criticism of your partner, rather be supportive and be an optimist!
Excessive dominating/ Control: People are to be loved, not excessively controlled. The more you try to control your partner, the more you will push him or her away from you and the less love there will be left between you two. Give up control and allow your partner to be loved for who they are and not who you want them to be.
Jealousy and insecurity: Jealousy is destructive and its root cause is insecurity. Work on letting go of your insecurities and you will immediately understand the futility of jealousy. To stay married, give up jealousy and insecurity.
The blame game: Maturity in marriage is to be able to admit to our faults, be humble to apologize and forge ahead. You need to realize we are all imperfect beings, so is your partner. You hold the key to your happiness. You need to give up blaming your partner for everything that goes wrong with you or for your wrong emotions in order to stay happily married.
Your fears: The scriptures say “Perfect love casts out fear”. You need to give up the fear of your partner cheating on you, the fear of falling out of love, the fear of divorce, the fear of failure… the list is endless. To stay married, fill your thoughts with love and give up all your fears!
In your own opinion, what do you think is the key factor to make a marriage work? We really want to know your thoughts on this. Share your thoughts with the whatsupng community…
Ref: Diamondband woman