Practically every married woman has been here. that moment when the in-laws are coming, and you are working hard to have everything in perfect shape, because you know that once they come, you will be under a microscope, and all of them will be eager to form opinions about either “Our wife” (good) or “This woman our brother married”(not so good). The worse ones are “this thing”, “this girl”, and other such descriptions.
Face it, pressure from the in-laws, whether directly or indirectly, is a real thing, and it is one of the most thoroughly unpleasant things that can happen in the course of a marriage. It gets worse if the couple is childless, or the finances are not too good, or there is some other anomaly. That is where they stop being human or civil to you, and rip into you with bared fangs.
That said, now let me shock you: a lot of the precedent for the pressure you’ll have to face… is dependent on your husband. Are you surprised? Don’t be. The word husband means “to care for, to tend”. There is a legitimate reason why the care of animals on a farm is called animal husbandry. Does that strike you as funny? Husbands protect, nurture and care for their wives. The way the man treats you will determine to a large extent how the in-laws view you as a person. A man that cannot stand up to his family members for you as a fiancée will probably not stand up to them much when you become a wife. One method I have found to truly work is to treat them all as extensions of him, but make sure that when you have to negate or refuse, you have his backing.
However pleasant you are determined to be, there are still some issues, some persons, and some situations that will tax the patience of Mother Teresa, and even Saint Job himself. That is where hubby comes in. there are things called boundaries, and you and your hubby should set them together. Thereafter, hubby should enforce them. So if someone from his family shows up at your house one evening and demands to eat pounded yam…
Hubby gets the totally unpleasant chore of telling him that you cannot start pounding yam, because you are pregnant/ have cramps/ he just doesn’t want you pounding any shit at that hour of the night. Gone are the days when beastly behaviour was excusable as being merely eccentric. These days, we just call it what it is. But this is one topic where I don’t want to claim I know all, because of the extremely sensitive nature of the topic, and the very different kinds of in-laws that exist. So tell me, my diamond women, how do you cope with pressure from the in laws?